IT'S A MANZ WORLD

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL - Note: Most of my Manz World stories are fictionalized accounts of how the painting shown here came to be. However, some of the stories are rooted in truth.

Several years ago, I became friends with a guy named Leo. His actual name was Leonardo, but he preferred to be called Leo. Not only his first name, but his last name, were obvious indicators of his being of Italian ancestry. The interesting thing was that Leo did not look like someone from an Italian family. That’s because he had blue eyes and reddish-colored hair, what some would call ‘ginger.’ And, unlike many Italian men who are hairy, Leo had little body hair.

I got to know him when he was playing volleyball at a tournament sponsored by my local nude camp. He was on a visiting team, one from a camp located in the Pocono mountains of northeastern Pennsylvania. His team was one of five visiting our camp for the weekend of the tournament.

As I watched Leo play, I have to admit to admiring his body. When viewing his powerful chest, his muscled arms and strong looking legs, I could easily see that he had the body of an athlete. Even more telling was his performance on the volleyball court. He was a powerful player, using all that muscularity to pound the ball so hard that it made a return by the opposing team nearly impossible. Because he was over six-feet tall and, because his legs were so strong, Leo could jump and reach higher than most any opponent, making him the most successful spiker on his team.

I got to know Leo personally on the second day of the tournament. That happened during a lunch break at the Snack Shack. I had just purchased my meal and was looking for an open seat, when I noticed that most of the tables were taken. After a quick scan of the area, I saw an empty seat at a table where three other guys—all visiting players from the same team—were eating. As I approached the table, I could see that one of the others guys was Leo. After asking if I could sit, I was invited to do so.

After introductions were made, I asked the three guests how they got into playing volleyball. Leo’s story was interesting in that he had never played volleyball, nude or not, until just a few years ago. And that was only because he had become a member of his local nude camp.

“Not only had I not played volleyball before, I had no experience with public nudity.” He pointed to the guy next to him and said, “That started when I was challenged by my friend Jackson to go with him to a nude beach. He and a couple of other guys were going to make a day trip to Gunnison Beach.”

I knew of Gunnison, a popular nude beach in New Jersey, having been there a few times myself.

Jackson followed up with a laugh and said, “Yeah. That happened about three years ago. Leo and I had been out drinking and we both had a little too much. I didn’t think it was safe for Leo to drive home so he ended up at my apartment for the night. When it got time to go to bed I stripped every off and, I guess, I shocked Leo. It was at that time that I told Leo I was a nudist. That revelation led to further conversation with him, eventually asking me what I liked about being naked. That was easy to answer. I said, ’Freedom!’ I just don’t like sleeping with anything on my body.”

Jackson chuckled as he continued. “When I got up the next morning I was still naked when I came out to the kitchen to make coffee. Leo, who was sleeping on my couch, woke up and saw me. In response to his puzzled look, I told him that naked was the way I prefer being when at home. I offered to cover up but he was cool with me staying the way I was.”

Leo picked up the story from there. “At my request, Jackson talked more about his nude activities, like playing volleyball when naked. I guess Jackson picked up on my curiosity, so that’s when he invited me to go to Gunnison Beach with some of his buddies. It was a bit of a challenge but I did it and...” with his hands raised and a smile, Leo said, “…the rest is history.”

Our lunch came to a quick end when we heard the announcement for us to return to the courts for more play. After that, I saw Leo only a few more times and that was to watch his team battle it out with ours. Fortunately, our team won. After the ceremonies were done, with all the trophies handed out, I noticed Leo congratulating our team members. While not involved in our team play that year because of a knee injury, I was still welcomed by my friends to join them in a celebration dinner afterwards.

As our team began walking away, I heard Leo say to a teammate that he had to get going. “I’ve got an early morning tomorrow at the hospital, so I’m heading for home now.”

I approached Leo and congratulated him on being on the ‘runner up’ team. He smiled—more like he smirked—and said, “Next year you’ll be congratulating me on being on the winning team!” Obviously, the man had confidence.

Surprisingly, I didn’t see Leo the next year at the tournament. When I saw his friend, Jackson, I asked about Leo.

“Oh, he’s in Chicago for some training.”

Chicago? Training?

Being curious, I asked Jackson about Leo’s profession. “I heard him say he worked at a hospital, but didn’t know what he did.”

“Leo’s a nurse who works with cancer patients. He’s getting some additional training, learning more about the latest in cancer research.”

With that information given, I thanked Jackson and left him.

It wasn’t until the next year, on a Saturday morning in mid-May, that I was at the camp helping do some general cleaning up around the pool and other parts of the recreation area, getting the property ready for our annual Memorial Day picnic. There were about ten of us volunteers cleaning the recreation hall, raking the lawn, hosing off the patio and picking up some debris left by several winter storms. It was a beautiful, warm spring day so that we all could be naked as we worked.

I was picking up some sticks near the entry to the camp when I heard a car approaching. I looked up and saw it was a bright red Audi convertible with the top down. As it got nearer, I easily saw the driver. It was Leo. Within seconds, he pulled up next to me and stopped.

“Hey,” he said in a friendly voice. “I think I know you.”

I smiled as I nodded. “Yup. From a couple of years ago.”

It was easy for me to remember this man, not only because of his handsome face but, because he had his shirt off, I recognized his well formed bare chest and muscled arms.

Knowing that there were no events on for this weekend, I asked him about the purpose of his visit.

“Oh, right. I guess you wouldn’t know. I’m now a member here. I’ve come to help with the cleanup.”

My eyebrows must have lifted as I said, “What? You’re a member here? When did that happen?”

“A couple of weeks ago.”

Leo saw the puzzled look on my face.

He filled me in by saying, “I live here now.”

“At the camp?”

“No, but close by.”

Leo then went on to tell me that he had recently been hired by our local hospital system to work with patients in a new cancer out-patient program. He said it was a wonderful opportunity that gave him a chance to do more than what he had been doing in his previous job. “Plus,” he said, “It’s a major increase in salary. So, I took it. I started the job about three weeks ago.”

Seeing my bag full of sticks and other debris, he then asked me if I needed help.

“Thanks, but I’m almost done here. Why don’t you check in with Betty Collins? She’s the one coordinating the work today.”

I then told him to drive down to the guest parking lot, that Betty would be near there.

For the next several hours, our crew of volunteers, which now included Leo, worked to spruce up the place, making it more inviting to our members and summer visitors. Admittedly, I was hot and tired by the end of the afternoon. And hungry, too.

Before leaving the camp, I needed a shower, which I took in the shower area near the indoor pool. Just as I was getting out of my shower stall, I saw Leo exiting from the stall next to me. As we toweled off, we chatted. That’s when I found out that he was hungry, too.

With a bit of hope in my voice, I said, “So, you wanna grab a bite with me?”

Leo nodded and said, “Sure. Where?”

I told him of a barbecue restaurant that was just a few miles down the road. “That is, if you like barbecue. And if you do, well, this place has the best in the area.”

“Love it,” was his reply. “Just show me the way.”

After dressing, Leo got into his car and followed me to ‘Hank’s Best B-B-Q,’ a place that looked like a large log cabin. As we entered, Leo took in the smell and said, “Wow, I’m even hungrier now.”

Only minutes after we sat down and ordered, our first beers were delivered. Leo took a couple of swigs and then began to tell me more about his life. That was because I had asked. Not wanting to be too noisy, I started with asking about his occupation: nursing. He told me he had always wanted to help people and found nursing was the best way he could do it. However, as Leo spoke of his history, he eventually got into a more personal part of it.

“I know you might not believe it now, but I was a rather frail kid. I started off being a colicky baby. Then found out I had asthma when I was around three-years old. Throughout my childhood I had breathing problems so bad that I couldn’t play any sports when I got into school. If I tried to run, I’d end up huffing and puffing to the point I’d nearly pass out. On top of that, I could never put on weight, So, I was the tall, skinny, dorky, non-athletic kid that everyone made fun of.”

I shook my head as I said, “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

It was then that Leo leaned a bit forward and said, “That was not the end of my troubles. When I was fourteen, my father was drunk one day when he picked me up at school and we got into a bad wreck on our way home. My father was speeding and lost control when he went around a corner too fast. He ran into another car, then hit a telephone pole. Totaled our car. Both of us ended up in the hospital. I had a concussion, several broken ribs, and a ruptured spleen. I actually missed the last few weeks of school that year because of having to stay at home to heal.”

Again, I said that I was sorry to hear about this tragedy.

“It was during those weeks of recovery that I watched a movie about a kid that was experiencing much of what I was going through. He, too, was frail and skinny and couldn’t do much athletically. But as he matured into his late teens and early twenties, he began going to a gym. Using his words, he became a ‘gym rat.’”

Leo looked at me and said, “You do know what a ‘gym rat’ is, right?”

I nodded, acknowledging my understanding of the phrase, that it’s someone who spends a lot of time at a gym pumping iron.”

Leo continued. “Within a year or so this guy had muscled up to the point he looked nothing like his former self. I mean, the guy looked amazing. I was instantly inspired. So I began going to the gym at the college where I was studying nursing. Once I started I was hooked. While there I met several cool guys who would help spot me from time to time. One of those guys, George, was a student who was studying to become an athletic trainer. He was only a year older than me so, over time, George and I became friends. Eventually, I told him my story and the reason I was at the gym so much. After hearing that, George started working with me on a plan. It was as if I became a life project for him. He designed a series of routines that really helped me. Honestly, he was a miracle worker. Not only did his routines and a diet plan help me gain muscle, but he was a great support in getting me to think differently about myself, especially my body.”

I hearing that my eyebrows lifted, a sign that I was puzzled about Leo’s last sentence. “Why did you need to think differently about your body?”

“I know you’re going to think this is crazy, but up to that time I saw myself as this skinny, helpless kid who couldn’t do anything.” Leo then pointed to his head and said, “Believe it or not, that’s what I was thinking, even as my body was showing the positive effects of my workouts. The physically fit guy I was becoming wasn’t matching the image of the weak, skinny kid I was carrying around in my head.”

Leo continued to explain. “It was George who helped me change what my mind was telling me. George’s minor in college was psychology. I remember him saying that the mind plays an important role in the success of an athlete. He told me he was as concerned about the mind of an athlete as the body.

One of the exercises he had me do was to take off all my clothes and look in a mirror and see that I was no longer that skinny, helpless kid. He said, “You’re a man now. So show all your manhood in that mirror. Tell yourself that you are no longer that little boy.”

So, I went home and did what George told me to do. Not just once, but many times. I would say to the naked guy in the mirror some of what George had taught me: You are not who you were. You are not who you used to be. You are different. You are better. You are capable. You can do things that you couldn’t do before. You are a man! And on and on, I would repeat those phrases.’”

“George told me to focus on each area of my body as I said those words. He said to put those, what he called ‘energetic words,’ into every part of my body. He emphasized the words ‘every part.’ So, I would spend ten or fifteen minutes almost yelling those words at myself, focusing on every part of my body from head to toe.”

Leo then smiled. “I mean, from head to toe and…” He winked, “…and everything in between.”

My smile acknowledged my understanding of what he meant by ‘everything.’

I then replied with, “And that worked?”

“Over time, it did. But it took some time and more encouragement from George. And then I met Jackson. He was a great help, too. Especially when it came to helping me accept my naked body in public.”

With a smile, I said, “Well, it has obviously worked. I mean, I guess you wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for those guys.”

By the time we had finished our dinners, we were talking about the next volleyball tournament to be held at our camp.

After Leo said he wanted to play on our team I said, “I know you’ll be a great addition. I mean, I’ve seen the skill you have. It’s amazing that you didn’t have an athletic background, but now you’re so good at playing volleyball.”

Leo shook his head as he said, “Thanks. I owe all that to George and Jackson and the other guys who helped me develop the skills that I had never known before. Believe me, I was surprised that I had an ability to play volleyball. But, after a lot of practice, I can say I’m really enjoying it.”

In acknowledging his wish to join our camp’s team, Leo said, “But it will be hard to go up against my old team.”

He then grinned as he said, “But I’ll do it!”

Over the summer, not only did I have the great experience of playing on our camp’s team with Leo, but we became close friends. Close enough that, when he found out that I was an artist and did nude paintings, he volunteered to be one of my models. His thinking was that it would be an additional level of accepting his body.

“I’ve never had a photo taken of myself naked before. And I certainly haven’t had a painting made of me, naked or clothed. So, yeah, that would be great to do that.”

His modeling for me happened one evening when Leo came to my apartment to have me sketch him for my painting. He was very open to stripping off all his clothing and, despite a bit an anxiousness, he was a very good model, moving into several poses that I suggested. But the one that was the most revealing of who the real Leo was, was when I suggested he stand in front of my large closet mirror and do what he had told me about when talking to himself, those talks to his ‘mirrored self’ that helped change his mental image about himself.

It was an amazing experience for both of us. As Leo stood there and repeated those phrases of positivity, he got emotional and began to tear up. It was as if he was reliving that experience that had so deeply affected him in such a positive manner. I was very happy to be a witness to that most intimate moment.

When I was done with the sketching and Leo was dressed, he approached me and said, “Thank you so much for helping me once again recognize how far I’ve come. To be so open physically and emotionally with you has been great. It’s another step in the healing of myself. So, again, thank you.” He then added, “Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

Posted here is one of three paintings I made from the sketches I did of Leo that night at my apartment. I call it, “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.”